Moving on Through Emotion

Moving on Through Emotion

Reflections on the Vegas massacre

As I begin running, watching the President brief the country and give his statement on a tiny 8x8 size screen,

I turn up the resistance on the machine
My eyes burn with tears
I run faster

Somehow if I run fast enough I’ll get away from this growing heartache inside me, stave off the tightness in my chest and the overwhelming need to scream loudly into a pillow

“The largest mass shooting in US history”

I turn up the resistance
I turn up the speed
I run faster

“58 dead and over 515 seriously injured”

I can’t escape

My heart rate climbs
162
168
170

I turn up the resistance
I run faster
Harder

30 minutes goes by

I swallow the lump in my throat

40 minutes
50 minutes
I run faster

60 minutes

I’m done

I didn’t escape

Then I realize…
I’m not suppose to escape these feelings

So I let each one wash over me
Slowly trickling down like beads of water on a window

I feel anger that quickly turns to rage against the human who could inflict this amount of death with total disregard for human life

I feel fear for my relatives who are close to Vegas, I know I can’t go there, I push those thoughts away

I feel great sadness , hollow and empty, for those who lost their lives

For those who witnessed this massacre and lived through it and the journey that lies ahead to put such horrors behind them

For the families left behind picking up the pieces trying to figure out how to salvage what’s left.
To learn to live with an end that came much to soon for so many, without warning, sneaking up and snatching life out as quickly as wind extinguishes the flame of a candle

And then…to my surprise

I feel pride
Pride for the first responders
Pride for the individuals who showed immense bravery in mass hysteria

Pride watching humans help other humans

These men and women helped me see
this one man who took so many lives is only one person

One person

in a world filled with inherently good people

We can still over come evil and help others heal one day at a time

With one word of kindness
With one offer to help
With one shoulder to cry on
With one hug
With one hand to hold another
With one choice to spread love
With one choice to see beauty and show acceptance

Believe in good

Be the good

In time, We can still overcome